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I usually do badly out of structurelessness. Most of my biggest depressions happen over the summer because I don’t have the structure of school to hold me together. But when I’m depressed, I fight the structures I have. Over the last two years I’ve gone from somebody who would never skive to doing so on a regular basis. Patting myself on the back for attending two thirds of the lectures and seminars I’m meant to in a day.

When I’m well I eat and exercise in a pretty healthy and regulated way. They keep each other in check. Running makes you want to eat well. Eating well makes you a better runner.

When I’m unhealthy the cycle reverses. I overeat so that I feel too full to run, and then because I didn’t run I sit in and eat some more.

Yesterday was an interesting mix. I managed to make myself run 5k and it felt great. Then I dropped by the chippy and bought more food than I needed, ate to the point of bloating and then watched television until I fell asleep. Eating to the point of discomfort is the only way I can justify spending as much time in my bed as I do.

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